How to Let Go of What Others Think

Throughout our lives, we are trained to care more about others than ourselves. Being selfless and compassionate becomes a marker of who we are. It is a beautiful thing; It is what life is all about.

The dilemma within this arrives when we put ourselves last and/or on the back burner altogether. We become so focused not only on others, but what they think and how they will perceive us. When this occurs, we can lose sight of our positive values, our good intentions, and who we are. These results can isolate us within our minds while disengaging us from making the impact we know we can make in our lives.

Therefore, this is not to say “stop caring about what others think,” because that is equally unhealthy as it is unproductive. What the bigger idea is to not let others change who you are as a person, deep within. We can and should grow as individuals, but we should definitely not lose sight from who we are.

In the social media age, this is increasingly more and more difficult for kids and adults to do. We all are constantly worrying about the number of likes we have on posts, who is commenting on what we post, what our influence is, and who likes the person we are.

The better question we should be asking ourselves is: Do I like who I am as a person? What do I like about myself? What positive attributes do I bring and share?

Building and improving upon our self-concept must be a priority we all gain and teach others in order thrive in and out of the digital world we live in.

Here are some ways to do this:

 

  • Accept who you are

What makes you, “you?” Embrace that and love yourself because of that. When you are having days of doubt, write self-affirmations down either on paper, on your phone, or on a dry erase/chalkboard hanging within your office or home. At my house, I write down self-affirmations on a dry erase board (almost) every day. At first it feels strange acknowledging the greatness you have, but over time you will see that what you write and say about yourself is what you will begin to believe.

Alex Elle, author of Words of a Wanderer, inspired me to begin this journey almost a year ago. She posts her daily affirmations on Twitter and Instagram, like the picture below where she says, “Today I affirm my worth is not contingent on how others choose to love me, but how I choose to love myself.”

Image Credit: @_alexelle on Twitter
  • Focus on your strengths and talents

What are talents that you have in life? We all have strengths and talents. Whether it is personal or professional talents, we each have areas in which we shine. Focus on those first, rather than your weaknesses. If we focus on our strengths, we will grow at much more rapid rates than diminishing our self-worth based on weaknesses.

  • Remain authentic

How often are you living your most authentic life? How much do you represent who you are as a person? 

The answer is, probably not enough. We all owe it to ourselves to step up our game and to show ourselves and the world what makes us “US” and what we have to offer. Grow to who you are, do not shrink into someone you are scared of becoming.

I love this quote that depicts this idea perfectly: “I’m not on this earth by chance. I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand.” -O.M.

  • Set boundaries on what matters and what does not

This one is especially tough. We see a million things that need our love, care, and assistance, and can default to “GO” mode where we want to positively impact anything and everything. But, this is impossible. Instead, focus on what matters. Do not get bogged down or stressed with items that will not make an impact in 1 year, 5 years, or 10+ years. When every situation arises, ensure that you are setting boundaries to focus time in areas with the most significance and influence.

  • Worry about what YOU think, not others/Let the negativity GO

We spend hours and hours worrying about what others think, but how often do we think about what we are thinking? Be in tune with your thoughts, your opinions, and your dreams. Go after those, not what you think others want you do. Stay away from negativity within your mind at all costs; Negativity can be such a brain drain. As I mentioned in an earlier post, 10 Habits of Positive EducatorsBe a fountain, not a drain. Spread positivity, after all, it is FREE.

Takeaway: If we want to unleash talent in ourselves, we have to begin to accept and love who we are as individuals first. Do not focus on what others may think of you. Talent cannot thrive in environments filled of negativity and self-doubt. We all have something special that can make ourselves and the world better because of it. #UnleashTalent

My book, Unleash Talent, will be released in the Summer of 2018 by IMpress and DBC (Dave Burgess Publishing), Inc. Stay tuned to future blog posts here to get more sneak peeks of ideas within my book.
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Jump into the Unknown

In college, during our training and courses, many of us were programmed to be regimented to create our lesson plans, to book our calendars, and to fulfill what we have written down in that tiny lesson plan box, no matter what.

Today is different. Lesson plans are not just a box; they are life-sized. We aim to reach the whole child, not just the content. We see outside the curriculum and look into how we can help all students, all teachers, and all people.

Additionally, we continue to ask kids to be risk takers. Teachers across the nation are asking students “to be brave” and to “try new things” regularly, which is remarkable. But, I often wonder how often we trust ourselves as adults to adhere to the same advice?

As adults:

How often are we jumping into the unknown, by choice?

How are we sharing our experiences of risk-taking with students?

How regularly do we authentically model being brave with our students?

I ask those three questions above to myself on a very regular basis, especially during moments when I hesitate to take risks.

For our students to be willing to be brave, I think all of us, each of us, need to find those moments to live it as adults FIRST. We cannot have the cart before the horse.

Yet, if we were honest with ourselves, the thought of “jumping into the unknown” sometimes feels uncomfortable and unsettling to us. When we have these moments of discomfort, we have to remember that our students can feel the same exact way in similar circumstances.

The regimented part of us wants our day to fall into place as we see in our head. It gives us a sense of ownership, control, and success. But, if we always want to control the day, without embracing the unexpected, we will miss out on what life is all about.

The most rewarding outcomes will never meet us where we are if we do not set foot in the unexplored territories. As Steve Harvey eloquently says (when discussing success), “If you want to be successful, you have to jump, there is no way around it. When you jump, I can assure you that your parachute will not open right away. But, if you not jump, your parachute will never open. If you are safe, you will never soar.”

Truth: We may not always jump into the unknown; Sometimes, it may just be a slow step forward. Our direction is more important than pace and what is even more important than pace is patience. Whether we choose to walk, run, or jump into the unknown, we may not feel the most confident. But, if our hearts are centered in a good place, we can rest assured that our parachutes will soar.

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One Good Change Leads to Another

Image Credit: QuotesNew.com

Many of us share similar struggles, no matter what our path is, even if it is outside of education. We want to change EVERYTHING at once and can feel so small if the changes we wish to make are outside of our reach today.

In the world, we see people who desperately need our help… Hey, sometimes we are the people who need help from others! Having said that, it can sometimes feel insurmountable to give and be everything you need to be to everyone, all the time. We often think:

Where do we begin?

How do we help everyone who needs us? 

Instead of trying to change everything by yourself, all at once, first, focus on one person. Start by making a difference in one person’s life. Being there for one can have a positive domino effect on the lives of everyone that person interacts with. One change can lead to a multitude of changes; One person feeling loved can lead to that person spreading more love to others.

Ironically enough, by spreading love, you will also feel more loved, too.

By starting with one, you can gain the momentum you need to keep going. One good change leads to another, and another, and another; But, you have to start somewhere.

One good change leads to another, and another, and another; But, you have to start somewhere. Click To Tweet

To echo this, Jon Gordon recently quoted Andy Stanley in an Instagram post with these words, “Do for one which you wish could do for everyone.” 

I could not have said it better myself.

Try This: Take time each day to recenter your focus; Start your day off, by affirming that you will make a positive impact in the life of one person, one colleague, or one stranger. Say it out loud, believe it. Then, throughout your day, find opportunities to be that one person for someone else. After you find your one person, reflect on the positive interaction afterward.

But, tough days will happen. When you do have these tough days and wonder the breadth of the difference you are making- Find solace in yourself. Appreciate who you are, what you bring to the table, and reflect on those people and those moments in which you simply started by helping one person. Then, in fact, you will see the influence you are making.

Keep Spreading Hope-

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Begin the School Year with a Fresh Slate Mindset

Each school year seems to go faster than the year before. Over the summer, our brains tend to race as we ponder about the, “I wish I would haves” from the year before.

Maybe you are thinking to yourself:

  • I wish I would have tried ____________ (add in the curriculum idea here).
  • I wish I would have been a better ______________ (add in job title here).
  • I wish I would have taken more risks in the classroom for my students.
  • I wish I would have built more positive relationships with my colleagues.
  • I wish I would have been more generous with my love and time to others.

Soon after, we start to dream big with the marvelous, grandiose, and detailed plans of everything we aspire to do for this upcoming school year. We commit ourselves to it all and believe that this time, nothing will stand in our way to reach our plans.

It can be a vicious cycle of dreams, hope, then guilt if we feel that we fall short at the end of the year.

But, I believe that over the summer during our brainstorming sessions, we can get so blinded with everything we want to do that what we all often miss are discussions of starting the year with a “Fresh Slate” Mindset.

As educators, we have a unique opportunity to start each year with a fresh slate. In most other professions, people do not have this chance. We can and should take our failures and missteps from the year before and turn them into learning opportunities for the future; Rather than dwelling on the past, we have a responsibility each school year to make it better than the year before.

So, as you approach this upcoming year, I challenge you to embody a “Fresh Slate” Mindset, for yourself, students and your colleagues. What I mean by this is for you to give yourself grace for failures made, and most of all give that same grace to others, too.

Remember this: We can be whoever we want to be today. Who we were yesterday does not have to dictate who we will be today or tomorrow.

We are all human, we have all made mistakes, and every person in this world could all use a little more love and acceptance. After all, we are all learning and figuring life out as we go, right?

In the excitement of the new school year and ideas, do not forget to take the time to press the restart button for yourself and others. Start small and always start with love.

We often practice this with students, but forget to apply it to ourselves and other adults.

Sometimes, what we ALL need the most, even more than new programs and innovations, is a chance to start over and do better than what we have ever done before.

Here is to making this school year the best yet,

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Be the Man in the Arena

 

Image Credit- Kara Knollmeyer
Previously published post- 2016

On April 23, 1910, Theodore Roosevelt delivered the “Citizenship In A Republic” speech in Paris, France. The small excerpt from his 35-page speech, which you see above, is widely known as the Man in the Arena. This notable passage was most arguably the finest speech of Roosevelt’s entire Presidency.

It is remarkable that a message stated over 100 years ago can be just as powerful, magical, and moving; When a message can touch generations, there must be a common thread that people can relate to time and time again.

After much introspection, here are my six takeaways from the Man in the Arena:

1. Feel your fears

In many cases, the critic is someone who is just fearful as the man in the arena; Fearful of their inadequacies, fearful that they could be more successful than measure, and fearful that others may know more and be more than them. Feel your fears. OWN your fears. Do not let your fears embody a critic mindset that flattens the spirit and gusto from those around you. Feel your fears and deal with your own insecurities first and foremost.

2. Be Brave

Everyone feels inadequate at some point in time. It takes pure guts and bravery to overcome inadequacy and trying times. We are each capable of becoming the metaphorical “Man in the Arena.” Moreover, any critic can turn into a champion if they have the steady heart to persevere.

3. Discomfort Equals Growth

Putting yourself out there is not easy, and no one said it was. Furthermore, I do not think it is supposed to be easy; It is supposed to be meaningful. Times of discomfort prove that you are growing and learning. Accept it and appreciate the uncomfortable process.

4. Focus on the Man in the Arena

It is not about the critic. the naysayers are usually not the individuals evoking change…The man in the arena is.

Sometimes it can appear that critics are as prevalent as your need to blink. When you are the “Man in the Arena,” you may feel like a spectacle under the watch of analysis. Stay steadfast with your doggedness and zeal. In time, you will see the successes of your efforts.

5. Do Not Judge

If you see an individual struggling- that is not their story. If you see a highly successful person- that is not their only story. Perception is not reality. The beauty of life is that each individual is a unique collection of stories; One snapshot of someone’s life does not tell all. Do not judge a person for their highs or their lows in life, because there is always more unseen and left to understand.

6. Be an Advocate

Nothing is done well without passion. Find something worth fighting for and go after it. By doing so, your zest for life will rise exponentially. When you love what you are doing, you start giving less emphasis to the critics; The doers are too busy to be worried about the critics anyhow. Focus more on the vision, more on the future product, and refrain from sweating the small stuff.

Remember:

If you do not advocate for what you want or what you believe in, people assume and interpret that it is not of value.

Here’s to all the men and women in the arena…

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The Fear of Not Being Enough

Usually, on blogs or social media, we tend to display the highlights of our lives. The best of the best.

And what are we too afraid to put online? Our inadequacies.

Why?

If we write someone on paper, we can toss it in the can and forget its existence. When we write online, it is imprinted forever.

But, in this post, I want to be vulnerable. My hopes are that through this post, I can help others feel that they are not alone.


To give you a little backstory, within the past couple of weeks, I have moved, gotten married, and will be starting a new leadership position.

A lot of change; Good change, exciting change, but still change nonetheless.

Throughout these recent and pivotal changes of my life, where I see all I have ever wanted before me, one question keeps hitting me harder than the rest:


Am I going to be enough? 

  • Will I be a good enough wife?
  • Will I make my husband happy?
  • Will I be able to make the positive impact I dream to make in my new leadership position?
  • Will I be able to give students and staff everything they deserve?

Although my husband and I have dated for years previously to our marriage and in my career I have had a myriad of educational leadership experiences, I cannot help but feel the feelings and ask myself these questions.

Change in all areas in life is incredible. But, it still looks like and feels like vulnerability.

But, I am learning that a part of being human means we have to start allowing ourselves to feel the feelings that come along with it. To be honest, to be raw, to be authentic.

We were born to be imperfect; To have polarizing emotions. Some days I feel confident, other days I do not. No one may ever know or be able to tell if I confident or not, but it still does not mask my inner feelings.

This is a message for you (and me):

Asking yourself,  “Am I good enough?” does not make you any less of a person or educator. It does not mean you cannot handle challenges. You absolutely can.

Being brave enough to ask that question means that you care deeply; You love people and want to help more than you can even describe.

I can feel, even as I write this, that opening myself up to unknown and embracing it, rather than feeling inadequate because of it, is the best thing I could do, not the worst.

Remember: You are enough.

You will continue to make a difference because you are the difference. Click To Tweet

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Understanding the Challenges of Others

Image Credit: abettermedaybyday.com

Each day when we interact with people, we are encountering diverse individuals like us who have a multitude of blessings and struggles they are trying to overcome in their lives.

Despite the exact situation, one thing is clear- Every single person has a story. We know and remember this when trauma arises; But, with the complexities of daily life, having the opportunities to pause and reconsider this fact may feel few and far between.

Discover Others

Nevertheless, one of my favorite discoveries in life is taking the time to DISCOVER other people. Human beings are fascinating- Each person is a book with a novel story that is unmatched by anyone else.

Except, have you ever noticed how often we book our schedules with unnecessary items, but we still constantly feel this urge to be busy? What if we “booked” more time to get to know one another more as human beings and less as students or colleagues?  
I believe that we can build powerful ties that will strengthen us as individuals and teammates if we spend more time being present in each moment.

Inspiration

During the last few days of school, students Kindergarten through 5th grade placed letters in my mailbox. As I was reading through the notes and drying my watering eyes, one card especially hit me like a ton of bricks:

“Dear Ms. Welty, Thank you for understanding the challenges of others and wanting to do something about it.”

This student described me and my demeanor better in one sentence than I ever could have. It is a profound reminder of how closely students look up to us.

Having said that, this student was correct- If we want to build stronger teams, we must understand the challenges others face and DO something about it.

Try This!

It’s the little things over time that become the compilation of the BIG things that matter. Try adding these little actions into your daily routine:

  • Add More Deep Conversations into your Day 

Instead of always asking questions like, “How are you?” or “How is your day?,” Ask more probing questions that show you are sincere and you want to get to know that person better. Remember this: Authentic questions deliver authentic answers.

  • Take the Time to Listen

It sounds obvious, but it is the most vital skill to learn. Sometimes we ask people exceptional questions, but then through our body language, we show we do not care about their response. Do this: Take the time to let others express themselves without thinking about your personal distractions, like tasks you need to complete. We may think we are great at multitasking, but people can usually tell when we are truly listening or not.

  • Follow-up 

Once a colleague or student has shared something going on in their lives, follow-up with them about it and ask about it again. It always is refreshing to be around others that think of you and take the time to check-in.

  • Take Initiative 

In every school, there are staff members, families, and students who are facing severe family illnesses and other crises. Whether you can help with an act of service or simply be the listening ear, take an active approach to be there for others. Many we encounter each day will never ask for our help but need support. When we take the initiative to offer comfort, we show we are a faithful crew.

  • Do Not Let Stress Take your Best

With all of this said, we too encounter our own personal hurdles that we face outside of school as well. Everyone has bad days and we each deal with stressors differently. Yet, be mindful to ensure that over time your stress does not take the best out of you and others.

Sense of Caring

In closing, this quote by Anthony J D’Angelo is everything, “Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community.” I have found that nothing is more valuable than time spent loving one another and understanding each other; It is the heart of what we do as educators. When we care about each other like family, we build community.

There are no shortcuts, just love.

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Be Their Diehard Fan

A fan is someone who is enthusiastically devoted to their sports team, musical artist, author, or an entertainer. The best trait about a diehard fan is that no matter what happens, even during the weak points, in the end, that fan always give their team their full support, with the knowledge that it will all eventually fall into place. Some of us call this unwavering faith.

I believe that the best educators and leaders apply these same foundations to their classrooms. Great teachers are not fair-weather fans, and they are DIEHARD fans for their students. Great educators also believe that student behaviors, academic levels, or backgrounds will NEVER stop them from loving or fighting for their students just as hard. After all, when our students show signs of distress is usually the moment they need our cheers in the fan section the most.

While working alongside students and showing that I will never give up on them, students taught me more about life, resilience, strength, and love than I could have ever imagined. I am better because of their strength.


Isn’t it a beautiful thing that while we dedicate ourselves to become their fans, that they become our number one supporters, too?


Whether students have positive or negative behavior stats or have winning or losing records in school- Be their diehard fan. Even our most supported students need us in their fan section more than ever. You will have no greater of a fan than your students if you become their diehard fan FIRST.

A thoughtful card I received from a student.

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How to Strengthen Relationships with Students

Building relationships with our students and colleagues are THE most important work that we do as educators and leaders.  Taking the time and energy to strengthen relationships with kids will help them grow to be better individuals and learners. Moreover, human connection is THE essential piece in LIFE, not just the field of education.

But, my caveat is this: Do not try to “manage” kids, but instead INVEST in them. When you invest in students and their interests, talents, and skill sets, your return on the investment will always be greater and more rewarding. Whether you are a kid or an adult, everyone wants to feel genuinely cared about.  Therefore, you can never go wrong by devoting your spirit to those you serve.

Throughout the years of working with kids, here are some of the most meaningful pieces that I believe are crucial to enhancing the relationships that you create:

  • Be present

  • Greet and welcome every single student

  • Listen and value their different perspectives

  • Get to know more about their family, hobbies, and passions

  • Look at every student interaction with a non-judgemental lens

  • Let students start over with a fresh slate when mistakes happen

  • Never, ever give up on them

  • Show that you want to learn from them, too

  • Bring the strengths of every single student to the forefront

  • Empower students to lead and make a difference

  • Be true to you; It inspires kids to be true to themselves

  • Be fun; Never take yourself too seriously

Image result for rita pierson quotes
Image Credit: TED/PBS

Significant mention: When thinking of strengthening relationships with students, the above quote from the beloved Rita Pierson is the beacon of what we should all strive for. Even if you have already seen the TED Talk 1,000,000 times like me, share it with someone else to ignite the spark within them as well (Or watch it below!)

Whether you are reading this during your last few weeks of school, or next October, or in August of 2049- Relationships will always be paramount. Everything changes in life, but relationships are our constant. The year, the month, the season does not matter. What matters is that we never give up on our students and always find time to strengthen the connections we already have to help them become who they were destined to be.

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Unleashing Your Limitless Potential

Image Credit- Tamara McCleary

What are some of your OUT of this WORLD dreams and aspirations? Which dream is so big and crazy that you even doubt its possibilities?

Name that goal: _______________________.

We are often told to dream big and to reach for the stars, but on the same token we are later advised to be “realistic.” Being logical is important in many instances, but what is actually needed more in this world are people who are OBSESSED with their dreams and passions. People who have dreams that seem unfeasible to the average person. People who can visualize their goal to see the picture of success within their minds. Then, ultimately people who do whatever it takes to make their dreams a reality each and every day.

We need people who are not trying to be realistic. We need people who are trying to change the WORLD for the better; And when you are trying to change the world, you do not do ordinary things. Instead you commit to…


Reach for aspirations that are limitless.

Welcome failure.

Never stop soaking in knowledge.

Continually adjust and adapt.


Do not welcome or invite the crab-in-a-bucket mentality into your thought process. If you have not heard of this theory, let me explain: Sailors notice that while traveling across the blue seas and capturing crabs, that one crab in a bucket can claw his way out of the bucket successfully with determination. But, once the sailors start adding more crabs into the bucket, the other crabs start fighting and clawing relentlessly to ensure that one crab does not escape.

As the Chinese proverb says in the image above, “The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.”

When we minimize the potential of others, we diminish the leaders and possibilities that “could be.” But, the worst case of all is when we also crush the potential within ourselves. It starts with us. When we shut down our possibilities and start believing that it “can’t be done,” we belittle our true GREATNESS.

Now, remember the goal you named earlier in this post. Unleash that dream and limitless potential within; These dreams are your calling. Be unstoppable and welcome dreams that are illogical, for this is the only way we can change the world.

Then, through your motivation, modeling, encouragement, you can help give that same gift to others which is the greatest gift of all.

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